in the desert, she waits
for what? no one knows
she has sand in her long brown hair
which sparkles on the setting sun’s rays
she wears a necklace of large white shells
and long flowing green robes
over her naked body
opening to show
two pale hairless legs
in the desert she paints
scenes from her brain
full of color and glitter
pouring a bit from the edges
of every person she has ever encountered
with pointed ears and gossamer wings
she wears a crown of sea weed
and crabs sleep at her feet
she listens, alone, as the ocean speaks
its vibrant blue waves a lullaby so sweet
her eyes are two clear crystals
reflecting the light
as sea gulls caw and mosquitoes buzz
she buries her toes in cold sand
and leans against the craggy worn rock
painting, silently, crying salt water tears
as her thin paper wings
lie in a tattered heap
ripped at the shoreline
getting sucked in by the ocean’s strong pull
disappearing into the froth of waves
while the sun’s bald head slips
into streamline
Thursday, April 21, 2016
Tuesday, April 19, 2016
Alone
How can you be alone
when you are surrounded by loved ones
who keep pushing you
to make good decisions?
Is to be alone
a curse or something even more
sinister?
Like the villain
you were caught believing you
were the hero this whole time.
What a waste!
Gone are the days of innocence
when adulthood rears its sneaky head
manipulating everyone’s bodies
to grow older as you watch.
Loneliness is a state of being unwanted
whereas aloneness is oneness
unless it becomes insanity
unless it becomes a burden
and the hedonist demons start to play
unravel their spiked red tails
and whip your sore shins
into a sorry state of
absurd oblivion.
Unsanctioned, that’s what being alone
really means
even when surrounded by great people
it becomes a selfish need.
If it were possible
you would leave this villainous life style
and become wind or sea or sky
in order to dissipate your cells
and let caution breed kissing
your petty sorrows goodbye.
When being alone is nothing more
than a personal choice gone sour
It is conflicting as the need to stay alive
knowing you are the bad guy in the story
never to be the victor only the victim.
The one that loses at your own
cankerous game of depression.
Ha!
What does it mean to be alone at this age?
It means an infinite of possibilities
to the point that is becomes dangerous
and all the skills you’ve ever known
are useless here
in the wilderness of nightmares.
They all have beady red eyes.
They all have thick red horns.
They all want your full attention.
They all want your heart shorn.
They all want your blood and veins and skin and brains.
But be warned!
For they find you just when you’ve realized
you’re the only villain in your life
and the only hero too.
There’s ways to get out
it’s true
it’s true
but you are seduced by your
notorious negativities
that urge you to stop
before you’ve even began.
So what’s a little girl like you
supposed to do
in a feral life unplanned?
when you are surrounded by loved ones
who keep pushing you
to make good decisions?
Is to be alone
a curse or something even more
sinister?
Like the villain
you were caught believing you
were the hero this whole time.
What a waste!
Gone are the days of innocence
when adulthood rears its sneaky head
manipulating everyone’s bodies
to grow older as you watch.
Loneliness is a state of being unwanted
whereas aloneness is oneness
unless it becomes insanity
unless it becomes a burden
and the hedonist demons start to play
unravel their spiked red tails
and whip your sore shins
into a sorry state of
absurd oblivion.
Unsanctioned, that’s what being alone
really means
even when surrounded by great people
it becomes a selfish need.
If it were possible
you would leave this villainous life style
and become wind or sea or sky
in order to dissipate your cells
and let caution breed kissing
your petty sorrows goodbye.
When being alone is nothing more
than a personal choice gone sour
It is conflicting as the need to stay alive
knowing you are the bad guy in the story
never to be the victor only the victim.
The one that loses at your own
cankerous game of depression.
Ha!
What does it mean to be alone at this age?
It means an infinite of possibilities
to the point that is becomes dangerous
and all the skills you’ve ever known
are useless here
in the wilderness of nightmares.
They all have beady red eyes.
They all have thick red horns.
They all want your full attention.
They all want your heart shorn.
They all want your blood and veins and skin and brains.
But be warned!
For they find you just when you’ve realized
you’re the only villain in your life
and the only hero too.
There’s ways to get out
it’s true
it’s true
but you are seduced by your
notorious negativities
that urge you to stop
before you’ve even began.
So what’s a little girl like you
supposed to do
in a feral life unplanned?
Defeated By Life
Defecated, or did I say defeated
fated to live this life
barren as loose shoe strings
fraying a little at the ends.
Like a torn T-shirt
I am covered in holes and stains
splotches that just don’t
seem to go away.
Defeated in the mere inches I take
or the hearts that I break
but the only heart I break is my own.
How to pick up the pieces
when I am
piece-less
peaceless, no peace here.
So all I do is clench and worry
and hope that one day defeat
might become a feat
that can actually go somewhere
move someplace out of reach
as I seem to speak
of dreams unaccomplished and maimed
of dreams inferred striking infrared filters
that whisper mere fragments
of my name.
fated to live this life
barren as loose shoe strings
fraying a little at the ends.
Like a torn T-shirt
I am covered in holes and stains
splotches that just don’t
seem to go away.
Defeated in the mere inches I take
or the hearts that I break
but the only heart I break is my own.
How to pick up the pieces
when I am
piece-less
peaceless, no peace here.
So all I do is clench and worry
and hope that one day defeat
might become a feat
that can actually go somewhere
move someplace out of reach
as I seem to speak
of dreams unaccomplished and maimed
of dreams inferred striking infrared filters
that whisper mere fragments
of my name.
Dubious & Wilted
Losing control of the brighter things
that sit and smirk at me as
the twilight immerses itself
in the faint glimmers of reality.
Hold that fractured frigid shock
to myself so tight
it breaks and shatters
vomiting sterilized pom poms
laced with chocolate sticky kisses.
Struck me, Lick me, Luck my
humble circumstances as they dance
on the roof of my mouth
chilly strange deadly
turns to muck in the shmuck
at the corner of my brain.
In one moment I’m there
the next, I’m insane.
Minutes switch by slowly as the
natural drugs kick in
enlightening my sense of well-ebbing stretches
into a glass of string.
that sit and smirk at me as
the twilight immerses itself
in the faint glimmers of reality.
Hold that fractured frigid shock
to myself so tight
it breaks and shatters
vomiting sterilized pom poms
laced with chocolate sticky kisses.
Struck me, Lick me, Luck my
humble circumstances as they dance
on the roof of my mouth
chilly strange deadly
turns to muck in the shmuck
at the corner of my brain.
In one moment I’m there
the next, I’m insane.
Minutes switch by slowly as the
natural drugs kick in
enlightening my sense of well-ebbing stretches
into a glass of string.
Thursday, April 14, 2016
Sienna 2.0
Sienna: [. . . ]
Sienna: Does it really matter that Homestuck is over.
Sienna: My whole college experience wrapped up in MS Paint Adventures for five whole years I have devoted myself to this webcomic. I have secretly
lived and breathed it.
Sienna: And it has been fruitful.
Sienna: :D
Sienna: I have graduated college almost a year ago.
Sienna: I have done nothing with my life but fall in love once and get rejected once [again].
Sienna: I have gained friends and lost friends.
Sienna: It has been joyful and tough, sweet and rough.
Sienna: My bond between me and my cousin has grown greater. It has maximized in strength.
Sienna: My bond between my parents now is shaky at best.
Sienna: My bond between my brother is lacking as he grows older and we grow apart.
Sienna: I love my parents and my brother, but they do not understand me now. I still love them dearly, though.
Sienna: Isn’t that that journey of life?
Sienna: To have strife?
Sienna: All I do is worry now about my so-called future.
Sienna: It is all a blur, with Homestuck and The Dresden Files finally being done. With Mills College finally being done.
Sienna: I am finished and ready for a whole new chapter.
Sienna: Even if that means moving back to San Diego with my family. Even if that means starting from scratch once again. Even if that means letting go of everything in the past in order to move on and grow as a person into a whole new dimension.
Sienna: Does it really matter that Homestuck is over.
Sienna: My whole college experience wrapped up in MS Paint Adventures for five whole years I have devoted myself to this webcomic. I have secretly
lived and breathed it.
Sienna: And it has been fruitful.
Sienna: :D
Sienna: I have graduated college almost a year ago.
Sienna: I have done nothing with my life but fall in love once and get rejected once [again].
Sienna: I have gained friends and lost friends.
Sienna: It has been joyful and tough, sweet and rough.
Sienna: My bond between me and my cousin has grown greater. It has maximized in strength.
Sienna: My bond between my parents now is shaky at best.
Sienna: My bond between my brother is lacking as he grows older and we grow apart.
Sienna: I love my parents and my brother, but they do not understand me now. I still love them dearly, though.
Sienna: Isn’t that that journey of life?
Sienna: To have strife?
Sienna: All I do is worry now about my so-called future.
Sienna: It is all a blur, with Homestuck and The Dresden Files finally being done. With Mills College finally being done.
Sienna: I am finished and ready for a whole new chapter.
Sienna: Even if that means moving back to San Diego with my family. Even if that means starting from scratch once again. Even if that means letting go of everything in the past in order to move on and grow as a person into a whole new dimension.
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